Gather round boys and girls, uncle Mephy has some advice. Now, I know some of you little lordlings are of that age where you have FEELINGS about STUFF so I'm here to give a piece of advice. I'll skip all the birds and the bee's talk because y'all probably learned more than you'll ever want to know about sex from Xtube. But what I do want to talk about is contraception. In fact, the best contraception you'll ever find, bar none. Thats right, I'm talking about having a 26 year old metrosexual furry as a tenant. Bit of a background here, I let a friend's little brother move in at an insanely cheap rate because he was desperate, his "MY GIRLFRIEND" dumped him but he was such a tool he tried living with her but couldn't take hearing her banging someone undoubtedly more masculine than he because his "MY FEELINGS" became bad "STUFF". In a drunken act of kindness, because there are none kinder than Mephy when he's got a $200 bar tab someone else is paying, I let him move in as a favor to his brother. It seemed like a win-win, he gets a huge house at just more than a third of what he'd pay to rent a studio apartment here in downtown St. Pete, gets to escape his "MY GIRLFRIEND" problems, and I get someone to help with bills and to let my dog shit outside instead of inside when I feel like not coming home for the night. Guess again! i knew it was bound to get good when a week after I lay the ground rules (don't cost me money, don't cost me sleep, keep the drugs [i.e. smoke] outside of the house and off my walls) when he tattled on himself "hey mephy don't worry about the burning plastic smell I was just making a gravity bong". It got REALLY good when he introduced me to his new "MY GIRLFRIEND", think overweight troll doll with the voice of Sylvester the Cat who only goes into public when wearing an animal costume surprisingly uglier than she is. It's hard to sleep between bouts of laughter when you get to listen to a guy with highlights in his hair grunting as his cartoon animal girlfriend shoves an oversized cartoon animal rubber dong up his poopchute. (This is when they're taking breaks from singing show tunes and watching pokemon) Now, don't get me wrong, he's done some insanely genius things, getting stoned and scrubbing the shower tile with steel wool, and flooring it in reverse up a 3 car drive way and using my car to stop his to save on brake pads come to mind. So, fast forward to the last four months, Im traveling for work, come home every month or so for a couple days to check on things. Theres no rent money for the last three months because "hey had to fix that thing on my car, ignore my new ps4, stack of games, iPad, and trip Im planning to Vegas, etc. BUT ITS IN THE BANK LET ME JUST NOT GET IT UNTIL AFTER YOU FLY BACK OUT". I come home today, been up for 22 hours and counting, notice my carpets been redecorated with dog piss (least i hope its hers because lol furry), can't get a cup of water because the sink is broken (had been before my last visit, apparently an O ring popped free on its own despite the fact thats impossible without some serious manhandling of the faucet), have to eat with my bare hands because theres no clean cutlery (apparently he's been washing it in the bathtub since he broke the sink and hadn't gotten around to doing it yet), not that there's much to eat considering what is edible is stored alongside liquified vegetables, three month old yellow milk, and grey bacon. and he's got a stockpile of weapons strewn about the house because apparently he was watching a scary movie last night and heard a scary noise (did i mention he's 26). And thats just for starters. But whats your point uncle Mephy you ask? My point is, if you ever consider having children, or just not wrapping that shit before you get your dick wet, consider letting a 26 year old pretend cartoon animal live with you. You'll get to experience parenting with none of the long term commitment and eventual legal fees followed by 18 years of paying child support. You'll even get a bit of an ego boost, he now thinks I'm god because I spent 30 minutes of research and 30 minutes of work fixing the plumbing problem.. after having been up for 24 hours. It does have it's perks as well, I'll admit, as I type this I sit here on my porch enjoying a Florida evening, drinking his liquor as he approaches me bowing and scraping to hand deliver an envelope full of unmarked bills for back rent. I feel like I'm Don Corleone. Now, here, you may kiss my ring. Enclosed is a picture of his girlfriend. tl;dr; If you're considering children, or risky behavior that may result in children, let a 20 something furry live with you for awhile. Consider it a test drive.